I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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