btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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