Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize