In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
