Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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