Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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