My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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