I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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