I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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