Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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