He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
