i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize