I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
