the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
