Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
