Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
