some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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