i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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