I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were destined to go to rehab together
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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