i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
