Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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