idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
