ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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