Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
