the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
