id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
