Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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