where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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