I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
