no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
