Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize