I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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