Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
