I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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