FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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