my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
