Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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