You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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