i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
