Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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