There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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