Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
