I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
