i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
