32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
