i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
