Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
