3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
