He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
