If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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