She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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