well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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