i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
