I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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