someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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