I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
