i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
