Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
