Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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