Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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