i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
