I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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