I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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