I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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