Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
