dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
