Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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